I will start this blog post by explaining that each and every one of us operates from our own set of personal values. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations with others who are on a different page from us. Whether those people are work mates, family, or randomly paired partners in a group, those differences can be challenging.
We live on a planet with over 8 billion (8,209,379,592+) people!!! How could it ever possibly be that we were all the same? (And how would sameness work, if it were possible, anyway?) The truth is, here we are together, with over eight billion different ways to express our humanness.
I like the way I express (obviously, or I would choose differently). Yet so many people seem to have, somehow, lost their capacity to accept differences even a little bit, let alone with expansive grace. It seems that the disconnect may have begun with the construction of 'fences'; separating "my yard" and "yours". Over the decades, this has magnified to include neighbourhoods that welcome only one type of people ( namely, only those who share similar values with the people who already reside there). Be that as it may, however, at least some of us still go to school, to our offices, or otherwise share spaces with people who, thankfully, have differing ideas about life.
I was listening to a podcast several weeks ago, which featured an interview with a past president of the USA . He shared how there was a time in which, when a person was called to serve in political office, they were required to move to the State and community where other political delegates resided. Opposing representatives and their families ended up mingling with each other through their children’s school events, social gatherings, and work-related activities. In their lunch rooms, they had the opportunity to really get to know the people around them. On the basis of simple human-to-human interactions, they found out about their colleagues' likes, dislikes, achievements and struggles. However, since the development of computers and online access, and with the rapid switch to working via remote offices, so much of humanity is now experiencing extreme estrangement from one another. This process seems to have diminished so many people's ability to sit comfortably beside someone who harbours opposing views and values to theirs.
I am here to tell you that there are lessons we can learn about ourselves when we consider each other as allies, rather than opponents, especially when we don't agree. Encountering differences provides us with the opportunity to ask, “What is this person or circumstance here to teach me?
At one point recently, I spent a long weekend living in my son’s home with his wife and daughter. There were so many things that incited anger in me during that time. Fortunately, the snow outside was 3 feet deep, so I was able to use a shovel and a buried walkway as an outlet for releasing the tension that would build up in me. The thing is, I didn’t want to feel angry. I had actually been determined that my visit would be grounded in love and acceptance. I know that is what my family desired too. “Dig Jill, DIG!”, was my mantra as I worked through my frustrations. (I swear I lost weight that weekend). While I was flying home, I contemplated how best to take responsibility for my feelings.
First and foremost, I reminded myself that my family and I are each 'wired' completely differently. I now also understand that we are motivated by very different values. (It is worth noting that, as I believed the stories I was telling myself about how my family were very judgemental... I came to realize that I was also in judgement... of their judgement! How hypocritical of me!)
Next, I asked myself what the situation I found myself in was showing me, and I realized that I am still attached to getting my sense of approval, control and security from sources outside of myself. (Oh dear!) It occurred to me that I had wanted to control the situation at my son and daughter-in-law's home so strongly, that, eventually, I no longer felt I knew how to navigate myself out of those 'deep waters'. What I do know, of course, is that it begins with awareness, and a willingness to shift my perspective. So, I am 'outing' myself to you.
From there, I moved on to asking myself how my experience with my family was inviting me to accept and love a part of myself that I was avoiding by projecting it onto them. Phew! That is a deep line of inquiry. It can be tough because I don’t like facing the parts of me that feel like unhealed wounds and painful self-loathing. When I take a battering ram to myself, it isn’t pretty.
In order to find peace within, I am compelled to lean in to what I know to be spiritually True:
There is just One Life, and this Life is as varied in Its expressions as there are people, Nature, animals, insects, places and things. All of Life comes from the One Source. If there was a thing that was not part of this Universal Whole, then The One could not be Infinite - yet It IS. If there was anything that was truly incomplete or damaged, in any way, it would compromise the integrity of The Whole... and Life would implode. Thankfully, this is an impossibility. There is a Thing that is beyond understanding that is the Cause of All. All beings and things ARE It, but they only reflect a part of It. Each small piece represents just a very small way of expressing the greater "It'.
Like you, I express The One by being me, just as my family expresses The One by being them. It is all Perfection. Remembering this, I am able to then release my judgments and surrender, knowing that I am safe and that Life is unfolding perfectly, in all Its mystery. Each one of the 8 billion of us, and all of Nature, with all of its variety, is only a fragment of the Whole. I am able to work towards embracing and loving all of It; celebrating, in thanksgiving, the beautiful diversity on this wild and wacky road of expression.
