“Nope, I'm not feeling anything.” This was the recent response from several high school students I was interacting with, when they were asked about their emotions. It seemed to me to be a bleak demonstration of a growing disconnection from our inner lives that many of us may be experiencing. This impossible answer captured for me a slice of the crisis we face in human connection today. Human experience is made up of feelings, yet we may feel most often like we are living in a world where we're stuck in our heads or on our phones instead. In this version of the world, we are no longer looking at each other - we are just sitting side by side sharing screens. This kind of interaction lacks the depth that makes communication meaningful.
The trajectory of human connection – both with others and ourselves – is fascinating to observe in today's world. Understanding where our minds leave off and our hearts begin is a skill worth honing, yet I've noticed some concerning trends. I am not alone in my observations. Thought leaders, researchers and educators around the world are raising alarms about humanity's apparent shrinking capacity for real connection.
These alarms are being sounded particularly around what is being seen as the results of smartphones and technology with regard to reshaping how young people connect. Where children once played hide-and-seek with neighbours, say, they now seek their closest connections through apps like Snapchat. This is seen as a problem because it cannot offer the richness of integrated whole-body learning that in person connections do. This is true even around things like what it may be like to have your feelings hurt by kids who exclude you, and then to discover your strength in overcome that, and even in coming to interpersonal compromises.
There is hope for us all, however. The solutions aren't complicated, though they may require a little more conscious intention and commitment. Here's what we can do right now:
Make "device-free zones" in your home, especially during meals and family time
Schedule regular outdoor activities with friends - whether a morning walk or weekend hike
Dust off those boxes in the game cupboard, and start a weekly game night (or a book club) that will bring people together, face-to-face
Practice the lost art of conversation by asking deeper questions and then truly listening
I remember my childhood challenges of trying to fit in with the neighbourhood kids. While it could seem overwhelming at times, the skills I learned from those experiences are immeasurable – and are certainly not repeatable through a flat screen, flashing colours and a false sense of meaning.
Think for a moment about those group selfies we see online... a smile captured on command isn't representative of the 15 minutes before or after it. It's just a split-second of a practiced pose, completely removed from the inner workings of any person in the picture.
What are we going to do to stay connected to our inner resources? Our internal wellsprings are the engines of inspiration and possibility. They set our compasses and determine the trajectory of what's next for us, in creative and exploratory ways. If we remain fixated on flat screens and the monotone emotions brought to us by the computer era and AI, we'll never advance to the next level of Life. That cost is too high. Let's not risk losing not just our ability to connect deeply with others, but also our capacity to understand ourselves.
We must foster our inner worlds or risk succumbing to the numbness of living a life of dull repetition. Maybe that's okay for some, but it's not enough for those of us who want to live rich and rewarding lives, filled with possibility and adventure. Adventure only comes from embracing the newness of each moment - yet to truly explore our pivoting, changing world, we must first understand the inner workings of our own minds and hearts.
This level of adventure requires leaning in to challenging work. We must, for instance, become adept at looking people in the eyes and having difficult conversations (ones that might not 'go our way', or might bring out feelings of uncertainty). In successfully navigating such conversations, we become more grounded, and we learn to know ourselves in ways we never have before. The resulting authenticity we are able to embody then becomes a generous expression, rippling outward, creating opportunities for others to do their own exploratory work and to develop their own resilience.
We are at a choice point in society now. What is ours to do? Who is ours to be? Are we willing to leave behind a life of monotony for one of possibility? Are we willing to 'go deeper 'so we might live more richly and more abundantly through deepening our relationships, our health and well-being, our creativity, and our financial capacity?
The path forward is both simple and profound. It starts with small steps: putting down our phones during dinner, looking people in the eye when they speak, asking questions that go beyond surface-level small talk. It means stepping into community – friends and family, or any group of people – and choosing to be fully 'present' together, without the distractions of social media and flashing flat lights.
Most importantly, the way forward asks that we lead by example. Before we try to impose ideals on our children, for instance, we need to be making changes within ourselves. Our journeys toward authentic connection begin with a single choice: to be 'here' in the 'now', to be vulnerable, and to be 'real'. In doing so, we not only transform our own lives, but we touch the lives of everyone around us more profoundly. The time to start is now. Will you?